The Brain Trust

May 31st, 2007

Hello,

Yes, it's been a while, but as usual, life moves at a blistering pace and poof- a new season erupts. I believe the last time I wrote, we were in the throws of Costco shopping adventures. While not much has really changed significantly, there have been many small and funny occasions…

First: The brain trust of the United States of America does NOT live in Alaska! Second: If they did, they have all been eaten by bears, kicked by moose, or otherwise run over by all of the terrible drivers. Third: Both Chris and I used to feel like people of fairly average intelligence in the "lower 48" but have since been elevated to the status of GENIUS!

It is very hard to leave a place like this when everywhere we go we are astounded by not only how greatly smart and perfect we are, but by how insanely stupid many of the people are up here (not that there aren't plenty of smart people, too, but the nature of this place really accents the stupid ones). Further more, comedians could have material for years just about Alaska. It is truly amazing that more people aren't wiped out of the gene pool up here. I say this, not because I'm mean spirited, jaded, or even cynical, but rather, it is a sad truth. I give to you, a list of very nice, well intentioned people who don't have the common sense of a potato, starting with the Movie Gallery clerk.

He's a gentleman about my age (31 for those of you who are curious) who prides himself on good customer service. He is VERY nice, but again, intelligence or lack there of does not relate to how nice or kind some one is. So, the Movie Gallery offers "insurance" for damaged DVD's at a modest cost of $5.00. The insurance is designed to save the renter the cost of replacing the video if its damaged by… oh say… perhaps a dog, the hot sun on the dash in your car, or running it over in the drive way or the like. It's a nice Idea, and if the sales pitch was right, we may have purchased the insurance, but…. Ah, yes, you knew there was a "BUT!" Mind you, he has a heavy "hillbilly twang" and is a slightly overweight, pale & freckle -faced, balding 30-something who loves working at the Movie Gallery (I think). This was his sales pitch- if not word for word, then pretty darn close.

"You guys could sure benefit from the insurance you know? Just last week, our general manager had her HOUSE burn right down to the ground, and wouldn't you know it, she had 5 movies in that house? Well, I tell you, with that insurance, she won't have to pay back a dime of the $40.00 it would cost to replace those disks! I'm sure she was relieved when she remembered she had that movie insurance…."

…And so on, and so on for at a few more minutes. And while Chris and I were both gritting our teeth, and biting our tongues at the thought of this poor woman whose house had just burnt down with everything she owns inside, being left homeless, with nothing… that she would perk right up with great glee and relief that she didn't have to pay back the stupid $40.00 in damaged movies! I couldn't help but giggle to myself at how absurd his sales pitch was, and moreover, how serious he was.

Ok, on to the next stupid moments of the road. We have taken a few small road trips around our area, and on more than one occasion, I've seen cars driving on the wrong side of the road (as in Northbound on the Southbound side of the street)! In the Lower 48, when you wish to pass a slow driver, you generally wait to see the dashed yellow line or a passing lane before you rocket past a line of traffic. Here, people seem to think that when the other side has two lanes and you only have one, that the paint stripers must have made a mistake, and therefore assume that they have a god-given right to pass in that lane. I guess that being on the wrong side of the road, on a blind turn up hill, in the snow with a double yellow line is just all the more reason that the stripers made a mistake. And, yet somehow, these people manage to survive themselves as if some great finger of God has selected them for survival.

Oddly, the list goes on and on… I have daily run-ins with the "not-so-bright" and have learned why people get mauled by bears. Shear stupidity! I have found myself screeching to a rubber burning stop in efforts to avoid hitting errant drivers, drunk pedestrians, small children without parents, rogue cyclists who think they can beat the light, moose, dogs, police cars with missing headlights or tail lights (and evern both!), drunk drivers, large SUV's with midgets driving them, children on ATV's with no helmets using the freeway as their play ground, and a whole host of other brainiacs who are trying very hard to end their lives prematurely. Now while all that seems somewhat overblown, I swear it's not.

Grocery store clerks can't figure out how to scan bar-codes without assistance from the manager. Home Depot employs folks who just don't know what a hammer is. The movie theaters have service workers who don't understand the fundamentals of a credit card machine or clocks. The people on the news post pictures of war ships when giving reports on the weather. The politicians are under investigation for taking advantage of unsuspecting tax payers or flat out corruption. There are public services ads telling parents they should play with their kids instead of beating them (apparently good parenting is a new phenomenon up here). They need to post signs in front of glacial lakes with ice burgs floating in them telling people that the water is cold! As if the giant ICE BURG and GLACIER in plain view wasn't a good indicator. Oh yes! Yes! The bank clerks don't know how to look up account information using a name, driver's license, and a deposit slip with the account number on it (twice, I've had managerial assistance to deposit MY money into MY account with MY deposit slip). It is all very amusing, and unfortunately, quite a boost our egos. On the all to rare occasions we meet other smart people, they too comment on the large population of not-so-bright people. So- enough about the braniacs…

Things up here are going well. Work is good, the dogs are fine, spring is in bloom, and the daylight is now up to over 18 hours per day with the sunset roughly at 11:30 pm, and darkness settling in at about 2 am. Sunrise is now at about 4:30, but the light of dawn speckles in the bedroom window at about 3:30 am. The weather is nice for the most part and all of the snow is gone. I've been flying regularly and have gotten to know many of the surrounding areas. Chris is getting to do long bike rides now and is thinking of signing up for the "Fireweed 200" bike race from Anchorage to Seward. He went Halibut Fishing in Homer, Alaska over Memorial Day weekend and caught a nice 30 lb. Halibut, a 20 lb Cook Inlet King Salmon, and nice sized Dolly Varden. Our freezer is full of great fish, and the season for summer grilling has kicked off…

We'd love to extend invitations to anyone who'd like to come and visit. Alaska is a very special place in summer and definitely worth seeing!

Take care and more to come later,

Vered

(…and Zev too)

Next time, I'll tell you all about the trio of unsuspecting hitchhikers we picked up in Talkeetna and an ill-prepared cross country cyclist on the road to the Top of the World next time.